Human 16: Holly Hafner

Infantry Officer and Instructor in The Australian Army

Holly is currently the only female Infantry Officer in the Australian Army. Over the last few years, her work has involved operations in Afghanistan and extensive support for the Australian bushfire crisis. She is now happily settled in Wagga Wagga at the home of the soldier (Kapooka), where she instructs future men and women of the Australian Defence Force. When not consumed by work or study, Holly spends her time visiting family; exploring regional NSW and VIC; or annoying her partner, Tom, and their dog, Benjamin, with her poor sense of humour.

Holly is a human mammal. Here are her thoughts:

What brings you the most joy in life?

I think seeing the people I love happy and content brings me the most joy in life… but if you ask my loved ones, they’ll probably tell you that I most enjoy a weekend away near the ocean with good food. I suppose it’s good to keep people guessing… 

What does success mean to you?

Success to me is the feeling I get when I can just be still for a moment and I get the, ‘shit that’s good’, feeling. It’s knowing that I have the freedom to live comfortably and experience a plethora of things that your average Joseph/Josephina doesn’t necessarily get the opportunity to. Success to me means reaching another goal - even if that goal happens to be as simple as ‘stress less’. 

What do you see as your greatest achievement?

My greatest achievement is turning my life around after my father committed suicide in 2014 - to say I lost my sense of direction and purpose would be a massive understatement. I am currently living quite comfortably and happy which seemed so unattainable to me back then. I think recovering and finding ways to channel my energy in to things like my career or self-improvement are constant achievements I’m proud of. Most of all I think learning to be kinder amongst all that pain really trumps the list of things I’ve achieved in my short time on the earth. 

What are you most grateful for?

I am most grateful for the handful of beautiful people I have in my life that make it feel so full, even when I don’t necessarily deserve it. I’m grateful that I know I can go away for months on end, go ‘off the grid’, or focus the majority of my brain power on whatever makes me tick at the time, and upon my physical or mental return I have a beautiful cheer squad of mammals who are there to high-five and bum-pat me on to my next venture. 

What is something most people don’t know about you?

The easy answer to this question would be that most people don’t know how much I dislike eating squash. It is a horrible vegetable designed only to be mushed up and fed to babies… or old people with defective taste buds. 

The real answer to this question is that most people don’t know that I’m bisexual. I have spent the better part of my adult life ‘coming out’ either as someone in a relationship with a woman or as someone who has then ‘jumped back over the fence’ and is now with a man. I think I felt a sense of imposter syndrome which led me to over compensate and seek acceptance from not just my friends and family but also the general public. This was very disruptive to my life for quite some time. My immediate friends and family know this, of course, however I don’t think that ‘most people’ would know the toll this can take. It is a difficult one, but I think we have some work to do as a society to normalise diverse sexualities. 

Who or what has had the biggest influence on your life?

I can’t pin point just one who or what, so here’s a list: my childhood; my experience playing women’s sport (nationally/internationally); a series of unfortunate events/deaths; my education; seeing how the rest of the world works and thinks (pre-pandemic); the Australian Defence Force; my partner.

What do you regret?

My biggest regret is definitely not being nicer to my dad while he was around - teenagers are such terrible humans. It taught me to be less of a dickhead to people in general. 

Has there been a defining moment in your life? Can you tell us about it?

I think there’s been a plethora of defining moments that I’ve survived or prospered as a result of. However, more recently I’ve had some news that will be life-changing and will undoubtedly redefine my priorities – watch this space! 

What advice would you give your younger self?

Own your mistakes and stress less about the potential repercussions – people will not stop loving you for trying and failing. 

What is the most important thing we can teach kids in school?

See above. Also, taxes, financial planning and investing! I think removing the elitism and lack of accessibility some children experience on this front would provide more working class kids the opportunity to close the gap. Understanding taxes and investing shouldn’t be reserved for nerds who sit on YouTube (me), economics students and kids who use their parent’s financial advisor. 

If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would you choose and why?

It would be a really hard decision. I’d want to talk to my dad and tell him all the things I have achieved and experienced in the last seven or eight years - I would not be able to pass up an opportunity to fill him in on lost time and get him to answer some burning questions I have. I’d also really like to pick the brains of some of the most influential leaders and scientists in the world to learn something from their giant brains. 

What do you doubt most?

Most recently I doubt that Australia is going to be able to continue to expect zero COVID-19 transmissions as the norm. I expect it is something that we will have to learn to live with rather than eradicate. 

When did you last have a significant change of mind?

The list is endless and overlapping. I guess it depends on your definition of significant. I’ve changed career paths quite significantly in order to support my more family orientated goals… I’ve also changed my mind about a thousand times in the last few hours about what I wanted for breakfast. 

What is the role of luck in our lives?

Luck provides the general population with hope. It also saves a lot of peoples butts when things go horribly wrong due to poor planning or poor preparation. Both are quite airy fairy. 

Do you have a favourite quote? What is it? Why do you like it?

“Oi, what do you want for dinner” - my partner, every day until we die. I like it because it marks the end of the day no matter how good or crappy. 

What would you do with your life if you had unlimited financial resources?

Funnily enough, I would continue to live it. I would also spend the majority of my time trying to do some good in the world - end poverty, save some children, start education funds for those who need it, etc… which would leave me less time for things like work (sorry boss). I’d definitely relocate somewhere warmer and closer to the ocean… I may even offer to buy you dinner next time we go for dumplings. 

If you could have the definitive answer to a single question, what would you ask?

I would ask: “Why?”
Only because it can be applied to almost anything so I feel as though I’d get a multitude of interesting answers. 

What concept/fact/idea should every human on the planet understand?

I think that all humans on the planet should understand what makes them tick without financial or time constraints. I think we should normalise and encourage people to think big!

Do human beings have free will?

No. I will use a much smarter man’s words to tell you why I think that. 

“Take a moment to think about the context in which your next decision will occur: You did not pick your parents or the time and place of your birth. You didn’t choose your gender or most of your life experiences. You had no control whatsoever over your genome or the development of your brain. And now your brain is making choices on the basis of preferences and beliefs that have been hammered into it over a lifetime – by your genes, your physical development since the moment you were conceived, and the interaction you have had with other people, events, and ideas. Where is the freedom in this? Yes, you are free to do what you want even now. But where did your desires come from?” 

- Sam Harris, Free Will. 

Do you believe in God?

No. But I believe that belief in god/spirituality serves a purpose in society, whether it be social control or hope. I also believe in not judging people for those beliefs. However, I have seen firsthand the absolute destruction and death fundamentalism causes, so I do find it a healthy discussion to have with people after a few glasses of wine. 

Could we be living in a simulated universe?

Yes, multiple times a week I find glitches in our matrix and errors in the master-controller’s actions (they should have pushed the up arrow instead of the square). Whoever is controlling my sim-house sometimes allows my partner and I to read each other’s thoughts… and occasionally they’ll light spot fires we have to put out. 

Will the continual development of technology have a net positive or negative influence on humanity?

Technology will continue to influence the way we live and inevitably how we see the world. I’d have to spend all day writing up a giant pros and cons list to give a decent answer to this… pro: Uber eats, con: addiction to social media, pro: medical technology increasing life span, con: ageing population creating strain on infrastructure and economy... The list is endless and contradictory so I’m unsure. 

What is the single greatest achievement of humanity?

Surviving as long as we have - good for us! Our achievement(s) are constantly occurring/evolving and they are endless… but mainly they indicate that we’re still here - high five! 

What do you see as the biggest existential threat to humanity?

Ourselves! We are our own biggest threat - spreading diseases and conflict, for example. It is during times of extreme stress, conflict and poor-health that I think a distinct lack of humanity is often present. 

What does it mean to live a good life?

Living a life that makes you happy and leaving your surroundings slightly better than when you arrived.

What is a good death?

A quick and painless one that happens at a point that leaves people with nothing unanswered. Dying only really effects the people left behind so a good death leaves minimal destruction and has a certain calmness about it. 

Thanks for your time, Holly!

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